Lesson from Chaos #3: I’m an idiot

Slovenia 1991. I was next to the photographer.

“Men and women who venture into someone else’s war through choice do so in a variety of guises.  UN general, BBC correspondent, aid worker, mercenary: in the final analysis they all want the same thing, a hit off the action, a walk on the dark side,…never blind yourself with your own disguise.”

- My War Gone By, I Miss It So, Anthony Loyd

In 1991, a few months before starting medical school I was hanging out in Czechoslovakia. It was the era after the Velvet Revolution. The Iron Curtain had fallen. Americans were flocking to Eastern Europe to help and for the cheap beer. I taught English for a few weeks and then decided I’d just hang out.

I also met a Reuters photographer. At one point he was going to cover Pope John Paul in Poland. I asked if I could join, but the car was full. He said he’d let me know the next time he went somewhere. “Cool,” I thought.

A few weeks later, I met him in a bar. “Slovenia and Croatia declared independence today. I’m heading there tomorrow. Wanna go?” 

“Absolutely.”

Long story short (longer version is in the memoir). We ended up in Slovenia, our guide was shot and killed, jets flew overhead, and tanks fired at us.

I realized that if my buddy, the soldiers or the local civilians got killed or injured, they had a purpose. I was just an idiot. A tourist in a war zone.

Years later I came across Anthony Loyd’s book, and he summed it up nicely. You’re not there to help.

It was a lesson I’d learn over and over.